The Passing of Time
by plumcake15
Summary: A horrific turn of events cause Sam to return to the UK with Grace. How will events unfold as they deal with the news of Connie's recent diagnosis? Complete.
1. Chapter 1

The rhythmic ticking of the clock marked the passing of time as Connie Beauchamp sat in her office staring blankly towards the back of her office. She was unaware of the hustle and bustle occurring in her department behind her. Lost in her own world. The words of the consultant she had seen that morning ringing in her ears… "we'll do all we can for you."

She wasn't stupid. She understood all too well that was what they said when holding out little hope. The kinder way of referencing an impending death. He may as well have turned to her and told her she was going to die. She knew it meant the same thing. She'd said it often enough to patients and relatives alike, when there really was little to be done but you don't want them to give up hope.

Her mind wandered to her young daughter. She may now be living three and a half thousand miles away with her father, but she still loved her very much. She spoke to her a regularly as their schedules allowed. Salty tracks began to snake down her cheeks as she remembered the pain of losing her mother at such a young age, she didn't want that for her daughter. For her to have to watch her become frailer, a shadow of her former self. In that moment she made the decision to protect her daughter from this, in the only way she knew how. By facing this alone. It was going to be hard, but she didn't want for her daughter what she had experienced. It was the only way to protect Grace.

She was startled from her own thoughts as the door to her office rattled open. Furiously she brushed the tears away, spinning in her chair only once she was full composed. She looked the young doctor up and down. "I told you not to disturb me," her barriers back up, she shot them an icy glare. "Sorry, Mrs Beauchamp… we require your assistance in resus. RTC, 3 minutes out. 23-year-old female. Paramedics believe she has a tension pneumothorax in the pleural space." Rising to her feet she waved for them to continue as they followed, her Louboutin clicking loudly as they went, for now at least the thoughts of her own fate were drowned out. This was one life she was going to be able to save.

It was nearly midnight before Connie was in her car and pulling out of the hospital carpark. Her mind was not really focussed on the road, the words of her doctor once more echoing around in her head, "It's malignant I'm afraid." For a split second she let her eyes fall shut, darting them open as she heard the screech of brakes, them filling with terror as they meet the bright headlights of the lorry coming towards her. Her reactions told her to swerve, do anything she could to avoid the imminent head on collision with the fast-moving vehicle.

As the impact occurred all she could think about was that perhaps this was kinder for everyone. A quick sudden death. This way they wouldn't have to watch her wither away to nothing. A shell of her former self. Perhaps this is best she thought as everything melted away and went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to all who have read and reviewed the first chapter.**

A trauma call coming into Holby ED was not out of the ordinary. Yet every time the trauma phone rang it caused Elle's stomach to flip. She could never truly put her finger on why. She picked up the receiver, taking in the information being relayed to her as she flicked her hand beckoning her team to gather.

As the phone clicked off she looked to her team, seeing their already bleary faces she gave a brief sympathetic smile before jumping into action. "RTC, five minutes out. Two casualties. A lorry has collided head on with an SUV. Driver of the lorry is a male, late fifties. He's conscious, but will need checking over. Dylan, I want you to take care of him." Her attention then turned to Alicia, "I want you with me. We have a female in her late forties, she's had to be cut from the wreckage of her car. She has a penetrating chest wound, severe lacerations to the head and has not shown any signs of consciousness. Paramedics have had to incubate at the scene as she was not maintaining her airway. Charlie, I want you to page for a cardiothoracic consultant to come down as soon as possible." As much as Elle knew she was yet to see the patient she knew they'd need the team from Darwin. A penetrating chest wound was not going to be something she could solve in resus.

The young doctor nodded in acknowledgement of the information. Her feet carrying her towards the double doors of the ambulance bay. As she stepped outside a freezing gust of wind hit her. She shivered, and her shoulders tensed as the sirens grew louder. She hoped no one had noticed but as she felt a hand gently rested itself on her shoulder she knew someone had. She glanced back uttering, "This bit never gets easier. The not know what is coming in." The older woman nodded slightly squeezing her shoulder lightly, "It never does, I'm afraid."

As the ambulance pulled up the team stood prepped. Sam raced from the front of the rig, swinging open the heavy doors to reveal Iain covered in blood, the true horror of the situation showing on his face as he glanced sideways towards them, "It's Mrs Beauchamp," was all he managed to get out before his attention turned solely back to keeping her alive. As the words rolled painfully off his tongue the faces of his colleagues dropped. It was always so much harder treating one of their own.

Iain leaned back against the door of resus as the team swarmed around Connie Beauchamp. He steadied himself on the door as his legs felt weak. Nothing could have prepared him for what he'd seen at the crash site that night. How they'd managed to extract here still alive from the mangled wreckage of metal he didn't know. Yet here she was, still alive and now she had her team fighting to save her life. Suddenly the shrill sound of a heart monitor flatlining filled the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to read this. It really does mean a lot to read reviews of how much you are enjoying it. Here is installment number three for you all.**

* * *

Sam Strachan stood at the end of the ITU bed, his eyes drooping with exhaustion, his mind still catching up with his body. He'd received a call little over 12 hours ago, he'd been on the next plane back to the UK. His eyes focused on the envelope in his hand. He studied carefully the familiar script, running his finger over before his eyes moved up towards the woman laid before him. Carefully he slipped the letter from the protection of the envelope. His breath caught in his chest and tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he began to read.

 _Dear Sam,_

 _I am truly sorry for not having ever said any of what is written in this letter to you in person. In all honesty I do hope you never have to read this, but I fear I am only kidding myself in writing that. I sit here facing the very real fact that I may never lay eyes on you or our beautiful daughter again. My own mortality suddenly has come into the fore. I am not invincible you see; a cardiac tumour is putting pay to that. Who would have thought, they have finally discovered the Ice Queen has a heart and it is going to kill her?_

 _If you are this far into the letter I am either dead or as good as dead. No longer capable of making any decisions for myself. The solicitor is under strict instructions that you are only to receive this letter in these circumstances._

 _If I am still alive, then I give the power to make any medical decisions on my behalf to you. I thought long and hard about who should do this, and decided that you would make the decisions with Grace in mind also. You would not allow her to suffer unnecessarily in the vain hope of extending my life, of prolonging my suffering. Therefore, any decision you make for me, you will have her best interests at heart._

 _Please make any decision based on your medical training, try not to let your emotions cloud your judgement, look at the cold hard facts, weigh them up and make an informed decision. You know as well as I family members who weep at the bedside of their brain dead relative refusing to admit they are gone are deluded. If it is purely a ventilator keeping me alive, switch it off (I would do the same to you)._

 _I ask now that you make sure Grace knows how very much I love her. How I loved her more than I could handle from the very first time I watched her heartbeat flicker on the monitor whilst she grew within me. I have never been good at showing my emotions, and sadly this extended to my beautiful girl too. But I do love her more than words and actions could ever express, and I always will. She completed my world, and is everything I could ever have wished for. Sam, make sure she never forgets me, try to help her remember the happy times._

 _Now for you, over the years our relationship has been one of turmoil, anger and hate for the most part, but from it came something so wonderful a tiny baby girl who tied us together for eternity. Thank you, Sam. For giving me the gift of Grace, for being there for her, and me, always. I should have told you this sooner, but when I finally thought we were going to be a family you left without a word. I do not blame you, well not now, you were doing what you thought best for Grace. You know as well as I that there was always a spark between us, a fire that burned deep within. It has taken me until now, Sam, to realise that I love you. I have since the first time your lips met mine. I'm only sorry that now it is too late for us, sorry for the fact I never found the courage to tell you in person._

 _Take care of our girl Sam, she is going to need you now more than ever._

 _With all my love, always._

 _Connie_

Uncharacteristic tears dripped from his cheeks to the paper, his hands shook lightly. He took a sharp inward breath composing himself, his eyes meeting those of the doctor beside him. "Sorry, run it all through again for me." The doctor nodded, seeing the pain etched across the Sam's features, recognising that this was not going to be an easy decision for him to make. He explained once again the injuries she had sustained in the crash and outlined the left atrial leiomyosarcoma, stressing that it was now compromising the function of her heart. "She's stable for now, we'll keep her sedated for the time being, so she is comfortable. Mr Strachan, I'll leave her charts here for you to look over. If you decide to proceed with surgery I can have a team ready in the hour."

"Thank you," he said as he stepped round the side of the bed taking Connie's hand in his, "I will have a decision for you shortly." The doctor nodded once more, stepping away to give Sam some privacy. Once they were alone he gently stroked kissed her hand saying in almost a whisper, "I love you too. Please don't leave me."


	4. Chapter 4

**Once again I cannot thank you enough for reading this and taking the time to review. To the reviewer that said about wanting to see what had happened in the ED, this chapter has a small section for you. I didn't want to write a whole chapter based in the ED as it isn't something I'm massively confident writing.**

 **Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

The air shifted in the room as the door was slowly pushed ajar shifting Sam's attention. He smiled slightly as he recognised the older gentleman stood there. "May I?" Charlie asked, gesturing towards the bed. Sam nodded in return, his hand still holding tightly to hers. Charlie's eyes came to rest on Connie as he neared the bed before he looked towards Sam. "How's she doing?"

"She's stable. The surgery was successful, they've repaired the diaphragmatic rupture and there were no signs of other bleeding. But they didn't touch the tumour. I've got to decide what to do next. You might be able to help me. Did she mention to you if she wanted the surgery?"

The older man could see the strain of the decision weighing on Sam's shoulders, he'd barely taken his eyes from Connie as he was speaking to him. "I wish I had the answer for you Sam, but none of us knew. She hasn't mentioned a thing about it. I found in resus after she came in." his eyes glazed slightly as he remembered the shock of discovering her illness.

– x –

" _She's experiencing atrial fibrillation and her ventricular rate is raised. We need to shock her to get her back in sinus." Elle started to prepare to shock. Just then Charlie burst through the doors of resus her notes clutched in his hands as he panted for breath. "Dr Gardner, Mrs Beauchamp has a left atrial leiomyosarcoma." The entire room fell silent as they took in the revelation, all eyes falling towards Connie lying there. Alicia's hand rose to her mouth in disbelief. Duffy felt tears begin to prick her eyes. Elle's mouth hung open in shock, it took a few seconds before she snapped back into the present and continued. "Thank you, Charlie. Right team, let's get her back in sinus. Charge 150, clear!" As the monitor began to signal sinus rhythm has been restored she looked again to her team. "Someone page Darwin again and we are going to need oncology. I want a full blood panel, Us, Es, and if renal output will allow a kidney function test with contrast."_

– x –

His eyes shot from Connie to Charlie as he spoke, "Nobody? She has been dealing with this all alone?" tears rose in his eyes and he squeezed her hand tighter, turning his attention back to her. "Oh Con, you silly thing, why didn't you talk to someone?" As a supportive hand came to rest on his shoulder he sighed deeply. "If they don't do anything she has a few weeks at best, it could be hours though. If the tumour blocks the valve that's the end. But such delicate surgery on her heart so soon after the accident trebles the risk factors, so she could die in theatre."

"Sam, you're a cardiothoracic surgeon, and a damn good one at that. If it wasn't Connie lying here, what would you suggest to the family?"

He thought for a moment, his expression becoming more resolute as what he had to do became clearer. "I'd advise them to have the surgery. Give them their best shot at life. And she wouldn't choose to just sit back and die, would she? The Connie Beauchamp I know is a born fighter."

"Then you have your answer."

As he rose from his chair he looked once again to Charlie, nodding slightly towards the door as he did. "Will you wait with her whilst I find the doctor? I don't want her to be alone."

"Of course, I won't go anywhere until you are back." Charlie moved further round the bed, sitting himself down where Sam was just sat. He watched as the young man left the room then turned his attention back to her, his thoughts consumed with questions as he wondered why she had felt unable to confide in him when she'd received the devastating news of her cancer.


	5. Chapter 5

The decision hadn't been an easy one, trying to figure out what Connie Beauchamp would want had never been something he was very good at. More often than not he'd make the wrong call and receive a slap round the face for his efforts. Though that only tended to be when he caught her off guard with intimate gestures. A fleeting smile appeared on his lips at their last such encounter. The battle that ensued between their lips as they fought for dominance. The heat that rose in his chest at the moment she finally succumbed to his touch. He could still hear her husky groans, feel her breath on his neck when he thought about that night.

The reasons he had for then uprooting their daughter and moving three and a half thousand miles away without so much as a goodbye he could no longer remember, or those he could remember now seemed insignificant. The love he had always felt for her was unrivalled. No one had ever compared to her and no one ever would. He loved her with every fibre of his being, yet his own stubbornness and hers had prevented them from ever telling each other. Now as he sat in a cold, empty corridor waiting to discover her fate his feelings for her were all consuming.

Minutes slipped by into hours as he continued to keep vigil outside of the theatre. Every movement in the corridor startling him from his own thoughts as he expected it to be someone with news. Time had never dragged more. He had taken a phone call from Grace, putting on his best chirpy voice to cover his true whereabouts. He hadn't yet told her about her mother's accident for fear of causing a set back in her recovery. Instead he had chosen to tell her they needed to come back to the UK for a conference that he had forgotten about and she would stay with her Grandmother whilst he was there. For a quickly formulated plan Sam credited himself on its believability, after all Grace had gotten used to her father being more disorganised on their return to the states.

"Seven hours. She said she wouldn't be more than seven hours." Sam croaked towards Charlie as he approached him, checking the clock again as he did, "She's now been in there seven and a half."

Charlie pressed a steaming cup of coffee into his hands, placing a sandwich beside him, guessing he wouldn't have eaten or drunk anything since she entered theatre 2. "And as a surgeon you know, things can sometimes take longer than initially thought."

"Only when things go wrong." He stated, dropping his gaze to the floor.

The older man tried to find words of comfort, but his own fears for the outcome of the surgery hampered his ability to do so. Instead he took a seat next to Sam, joining him in his vigil.

Restlessness had taken over by the time hour nine ticked by. Sam paced the length of the corridor, counting his own steps in a bid to take his mind from the amount of time Connie had been under the knife.

It was 10 hours before the doors to the theatre opened to revel Jac stood there in her scrubs. Startling him from his daze, Sam immediately stood, his eyes meeting Jac's searching desperately for information.

"Sam, have a seat," his hand clasped to his mouth, his head shaking as he was guided to the chair. Charlie placing a hand on his shoulder attempting to comfort him whilst himself now expecting the worst. "She's stable for now, she's maintaining her BP, but her body has been through a lot. I got all the tumour, but it was more advanced than the scans had shown. I've repaired the atrium with a patch and replaced the valve. The next 72 hours are going to be critical. We'll keep her in a medically induced coma for the time being. Give her body a head start with repairing itself before we try to wake her. If you have any more questions, you know where I am. I'll get one of the nurses to come and get you when we have her settled."

Oxygen filled Sam's lungs again, for what felt like the first time since Jac had appeared. "Thank you, Jac. Thank you." Was all he managed as relief flooded his body. She was still alive.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you very much to all who took the time to read and respond to the last chapter. This is one of the last chapters I have pre-written so updates might start to be further apart from here on in.**_

* * *

Sam had thought long and hard about telling Grace about her mother's condition whilst she was still in intensive care. The last time Grace had seen her mum only a few short months before hand, she was vibrant and full of life. Now she lay almost unrecognisable in a hospital bed surrounded by unfamiliar machinery, tubes and wires. Despite Connie making it through the surgery there was still a very real risk of her not waking up once the sedation was reduced. They still didn't know if the head trauma from the crash had caused any lasting damage. He didn't want this to be the last image of Connie she had, yet he knew if he didn't allow her to see her and she died, Grace would never forgive him.

Lifting his phone from his pocket he dialled, explained to his mother he needed her to bring Grace to Holby City Hospital and that he would meet them outside the main entrance. Unusually his mother didn't question his actions, she simply agreed, informing him she would be there within the hour.

"Dad, what the hell is going on?" was the indignant greeting he got from his daughter as she stepped out of the car. "You told me you were in London for that conference, but now you're in Holby and here." She gestured up to the hospital. "Does mum even know we are here? Is this why we are here? To see her?" She paused a moment, taking in the haunted features of her father's face, seeing how exhausted he looked. "Dad? What is it?" Sam put his hands on his daughter's shoulders, squeezing gently. He didn't know where to begin. How to explain to her the events of the past 36 hours. "It's your mum, Grace. She was in an accident." Her eyes looked up to meet his, blinking rapidly as if she were a rabbit caught in headlights.

Having been guided into the entrance of the hospital by her father, Grace perched herself on the edge of a chair. Her eyes met his as he knelt before her. "She's not been well recently either, but she hadn't told anyone. Jac, do you remember Jac? Well she performed surgery on your mum yesterday. Your mum is still quite poorly, but everyone here is looking after her. Now this is your decision, I can take you upstairs to see her, or you can wait until she wakes up." Sam swallowed hard, he hoped, prayed that she would indeed wake up, "It is up to you sweetheart, but I need you to know she looks a little different to how she did before…" Grace stopped him before he was able to continue, "I don't care how she looks, I want to see her." Sam nodded, accepting that she was her mother's daughter and nothing he said was going to change her mind.

He guided her carefully through the doors of ITU, stating as they made their way to Connie's bed, "The machines and wires might seem a little bit scary, but they are all helping her." Grace nodded softly but as they reached the end of her mother's bed she stopped, her breath caught in her throat, as sobs rose from deep within. Her hands darted to her mouth as she gulped for air, emotion taking over her body. Sam held her firmly in his arms as her sobs overtook her, he stroked her hair gently, doing his very best to soothe her whilst holding back his own tears which threatened to fall.

Once over the initial shock Grace extracted herself from her father's arms and stood beside her mother. She apprehensively laid her hand over Connie's, not wanting to injure her further, and spoke softly. "Hello Mummy, it's Grace." Her eyes glanced to her father for reassurance and she continued as he nodded. "Sorry I haven't phoned recently. It's been really busy at school. My teacher is reading Moby Dick to us at the moment. Do you remember reading it to me when I was little? Of course, you do, you don't forget anything. Daddy said you had to have an operation on your heart. He said that you've been poorly. Why didn't you tell us? We could have come sooner and helped look after you." She took a deep breath as tears started to fall once more. "I love you mummy." Grace placed a gentle kiss on her mother's hand before stepping away from the bed.

Sam used his thumb to gently wipe away the tears that had fallen from his daughter's eyes. "She loves you too, Grace, very much." He thought for a moment back to Connie's words in the letter, "She has loved you more than she could ever say from the very first day she knew she was having you." Grace smiled weakly as she looked to her mother once more, leaning into her father.

"She'll be okay, won't she?" Sam tightened his arms around her shoulders, nodding his head ever so slowly. Willing himself to believe what he was saying.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you again for the lovely reviews. I hope you like this part.**

* * *

A week had passed since that fateful night. The physical wounds of the accident had slowly begun to fade away. If you could look beyond the ventilator, tubes and wires she just looked to be sleeping peacefully. Beside her sat an unshaven Sam Strachan. He had barely left her side over the past week, choosing to remain at the hospital, should there be any changes in her condition he wanted to be close by. The exhaustion however, was now beginning to take its toll on his body.

He had been home for an afternoon whilst Charlie had sat with Connie, this allowed him to spend some time with Grace and make sure she was okay. Thankfully his daughter was being exceptionally mature about the situation and agreed that Connie currently needed him the most. In truth, she'd been thrilled to see how much her dad clearly cared for her mum and hoped beyond hope that perhaps she might get the family she had always dreamed of.

The decision to reduce her sedation wasn't made lightly.

"When we reduce the sedation, she will start to come round. It is important she remains on the ventilator for now to keep her oxygen levels up. I want her restrained before we start." Jac instructed her team loudly enough so Sam overheard her words.

"No!" he almost shouted as he stood and rushed towards Jac. "You know she'd hate that Jac, I won't allow you to restrain her."

"It's for her own good." She reasoned, not having wanted his input, she'd rather hoped he would have just agreed with her.

"I said, no. I will stay with her, make sure she doesn't fight it." He glanced back to Connie before back to Jac. "I won't let her injure herself further." Jac relented knowing she would be unable to change Sam's mind and walked away, her team following her to make the arrangements.

It was late by the time they were ready to start to wake Connie. Sam stood back allowing the medics to work on her and administer the correct medications. It wasn't long before he was allowed once again to be at her side.

"Come on sleepy head, it's time for you to wake up now. Gracie needs you to wake up. I need you to wake up." As he held her hand in his, kissing it he saw her eyes begin to twitch slightly. He moved towards the door, signalling to the nurses that she was beginning to rouse as he did he heard he beginning to fight against the tube in her throat, gagging against it as she battled to breathe on her own. Her eyes darting open in panic and her hands reaching to grasp at the tubes in her mouth. Sam rushed back to her side, reaching for her hands he held them tightly in his, bringing them down to her sides once more as his eyes met hers. "No, no, no. You can't do that. It's okay, Con. You don't need to be frightened. Try to relax." He held his hand against her cheek stroking it gently as she settled slightly, her eyes still full of panic and confusion.

She tried in vain to talk over the tube, wanting to know what had happened, why he was here. "Don't try and speak." As if reading her mind, he continued, "You were in an accident, just over a week ago. You've been here ever since. Your solicitor called me. They needed me to advise the medics, but I couldn't very well do that from New York. You see in a moment of madness my darling you named me your medical power of attorney." She looked at him, thanks in her eyes, joy at the fact he had come when she needed him most. "I know about the cancer, Con." He continued. Quickly her eyes shot away from his, she didn't want to see the pity she assumed would be there. "I agreed to let Jac operate, she got it all. Once you are well enough you need chemotherapy but the tumour, it's gone. I hope you don't hate me for making that decision, but I couldn't bare the thought of not trying and Grace losing her mummy… and me losing you." He added quietly.

Tears welled in her eyes as she heard his words, she reached for his hand giving it a gentle squeeze as their fingers laced together, it dawned on her that he must have read her letter, as he gently squeezed her hand back. She didn't know what would happen between them in the future but for now, knowing he was with her was a great comfort.


	8. Chapter 8

"Morning, where's Sam?" Jac asked as she rounded to Connie's bedside. Connie found her lack of ability to communicate verbally infuriating and rolled her eyes as she scrawled _home_ on the board they had given her. The red head nodded in response with a small smile. "I want to talk to you about weaning you off the ventilator, but I can wait until he is here if you prefer." Connie shook her head slightly, indicating she wanted to hear what the other woman had to say now. She was desperate to properly talk to Sam, due to her intubation over the past few days they had been unable to work out the minefield that was currently their relationship. He'd only left her side when she'd instructed him to go and spend time with Grace, which she'd taken as a sign that he wanted them to be something. However, she still felt trapped in limbo.

"Your blood gases are stable. I think we can try SBT. I want to use a combination of PSV and SIMV." Jac hadn't sugar coated the medical terminology, not wanting in insult Connie's own intelligence. She however, took a softer approach in explain how she would guide her through. "As we would with anyone else, we'll take it slow. I'll be here with you throughout, it might be uncomfortable to begin with, but we'll be monitoring you throughout. If I see you are getting too tired, we'll stop. To start with we will only do 5 minutes and we'll build up. Do you understand?" Connie moved her head, nodding a little in response before turning her attention to the board. _No Sam_ were the words scrawled this time _._ Initially Jac looked confused, but she knew this was Connie she was dealing with, she had given up trying to understand the older woman's reasonings "If that's what you want, but I would advise having a familiar face here to hold your hand." _You're here_ was then written _._ Jac laughed reading her words, "You never change, Connie Beauchamp. I'll make the preparations and be back soon."

As Jac left her alone she stared towards the ceiling. She knew it was a step in the right direction, although it scared her that she might now be reliant on the ventilator and they would find she was unable to breathe for herself. She'd seen it happen before, patients reliant on the mechanical pump to sustain their life. It would be her worst nightmare. Tears threatened to fall but she fought them back, not wanting to show weakness.

It wasn't long before Jac was back with a team of medics. Connie winced as they sat helped her into a more upright position, the midline incision on her chest still held together with 42 staples. As expected the first few breaths of the test were exceptionally painful, it eased though as her body remembered what it had to do. As ten minutes were up Jac nodded indicating the test was over, "Well done, Connie. You did really well. Later we'll try for a little longer. If we continue to get these positive results I don't see any reason we won't be able to extubate and get you moved out of here."

That evening as Sam entered ITU with Grace he eyes shot to where Connie should have been. Instead he saw an empty bay. Rubbing Grace's back reassuringly he smiled at her, keeping his voice steady. "I'm just going to find out where they have taken Mum." They'd have phoned if anything had happened he reasoned internally as a nurse approached him.

"Mr Strachan, we were unable to reach you, your phone kept going to voicemail. We didn't have another number to contact you." Sam looked quickly down to Grace indicating for her to stay put as he took a few steps away with the nurse.

"Has something happened?" he swallowed hard. The nurse reached for his arm, giving it a reassuring rub as she spoke.

"It's good news. Mrs Beauchamp has been moved onto Darwin, if you take the lift..."

He stopped the nurse in her tracks. "Thank you, I know where Darwin is." The nurse nodded as he walked away and took his daughter by the hand.

Leading them back towards the lifts he listened to his daughter speak. "Mum used to speak about Darwin all the time, it's where you met, isn't it? When I was growing up she would tell me about you two working together, although I'm sure some of the stuff she said you did was made up." Sam snorted slightly, guessing it probably wasn't, he had been quite the rough during his time on Darwin, and certainly had enjoyed winding Connie up with his antics. As the lift doors opened to Darwin a familiar feeling coursed through his body, it felt like coming home. Things had changed a little since his last visit, but there was still a familiarity about the place.

It didn't take them long to locate her, there in a side room lay the sleeping figure of Connie Beauchamp. Quietly he entered the room with their daughter so as not to wake her, although the slight creak of the door roused her from her peaceful slumber. Her hand gently reached up, lifting the oxygen mask from her face with a smile as she saw it was them. "Hello," she croaked just above a whisper, the tubes having left her with a burning in her throat.

"Hello to you too. I can't even tell you how good it is to hear your voice." He smiled softly at her, sitting himself down beside their daughter, his arm wrapping around Grace.

"How did you get on?" Connie whispered to her daughter.

"She was amazing, Con. I got loads of photos for you."

"You're so embarrassing," Grace complained as pushed her father playfully, ". It was fun. I came second. Enough about me though, you look really well Mum, I don't mean to sound horrible but the last time I saw you, you looked rough as." Connie laughed in response.

"Thanks baby. Love you too"

"I did say you look better now." Grace gently climbed on the bed beside her mother, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. She jumped back in panic as her mother starting coughing, wincing as she did. "I didn't… I didn't mean to hurt you." Tears rose in the young girl's eyes as panic over took her. Sam was up and at Connie's side in a flash.

"Deep breaths, Con. Just like that." He caught the look in his daughter's eyes as he continued, "It's alright Grace. It wasn't anything you did. The ventilator will have made mum's throat sore, coughing when first extubated is normal. Where her chest was opened coughing hurts. She'll be okay" The young girl nodded, relieved by her father's words that Connie would indeed by fine and she was not the cause.

She watched on as her dad held a pillow to her mum's chest, supporting her to move upright as he soothed her through her discomfort. Never had she witnessed such caring actions between her parents. Her mother leaning into her father when the coughing subsided whilst he stroked her hair. His chin resting itself on her head as her eyes closed. His quiet reassurances to her. She couldn't pretend it wasn't a little confusing, as far as she knew they hated each other. The distance between Holby and New York only just about being sufficient enough for them. Yet over the past few weeks and here right now, there was something there that wasn't there before.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to all those still reading and reviewing.**

* * *

It had felt like she had been in hospital for an eternity when the time came for her to be discharged. In truth, it had been five weeks since the crash and she was recovering well. The decision was made to allow her home before she was due back to begin her first cycle of chemotherapy. She was overjoyed to be going home, and not only that she was going home to a family. She and Sam had finally admitted their feelings for one another, they were going to make a go of things unable to deny any longer the bond between them.

-x-

" _Sam, I know you read my letter." Her words were simple, they caught him off guard. It had been three and a half weeks since the accident and he hadn't wanted to mention it. It had remained the elephant in the room, but here she was bringing it up. He nodded slowly, unsure of what to say to her. "I meant what I wrote. The cancer gave me clarity when it came to my feelings for you."_

" _You could have picked up the phone." His words came out sterner than he had intended, and he mentally kicked himself for that as he watched her tense._

" _I thought you hated me. The last time I spoke to you it was about being a family. Then you took Grace and left without so much as a goodbye. I wasn't about to pick up the phone and lay my heart on the line, was I?" she retorted._

" _No, I suppose not." He conceded before continuing, "I regret going Con, I have regretted it for a while, but I didn't know if I came back you'd be happy to see me. You see, I realised that whilst Grace and I were rubbing along quite nicely we were missing a very crucial part of our family. You. I love you Connie Beauchamp, many would call me a fool for doing so. But it has always been you." He took her hand in his, waiting, hoping that she would not pull away._

" _It's always been you too."_

" _Can we try again?" he asked gently._

" _Only if you promise me one thing?" her tone was softer than usual, an unfamiliar vulnerability appearing in her voice._

" _Anything."_

" _Don't run away again and leave me alone."_

" _I promise." With that he leant down and gently caught her lips with his. Their eyes locking together as unspoken promises passed between them._

-x-

A wheelchair had not been the mode of transport she would have chosen to leave the hospital. She would have much rather gone under her own steam and walked but without too much fuss she had taken a seat and was allowing Sam to push her towards the car park. She felt little nervous butterflies dance around her stomach, if she was honest, she was apprehensive about getting in a car after what had happened. She was grateful as his hand reassuringly rubbed her shoulder, clearly having sensed her tension. "It's going to be okay. I'll drive carefully and slowly home. I promise." Lifting her hand to where his sat on her shoulder she gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you for being you. I couldn't do all this on my own."

"You don't have to do anything on your own anymore, Con. I'll always be here."

The drive back to the house passed quickly, much of the journey the pair sat in silence. As they pulled onto the driveway the front door flung open, revealing a very excited Grace. She hot footed it towards the car as it stopped and opened the passenger door. "Welcome home, Mummy." Grace had been impatiently waiting for her mother to arrive home ever since Sam had left for the hospital some three hours before. She could not wait to have both her parents under the same roof for the first time in her life, for them to be a proper family.

Easing herself gently from the car, Connie took her daughter's hand and allowed herself to be guided inside. The house was as familiar as always, but at the same time it now felt more like a home. "Thank you, Gracie," she said as her daughter helped her sit back on a sofa, "I'm so happy you're hear." She cupped the young girl's face in her hands, leaning forward to kiss her.

"Love you." Grace said as she kissed her mother back. Sam stood in the doorway watching over the two women in his life before moving towards them both. Putting his arm around Connie's back and pulling Grace in for a hug with his other arm.

"And I love both my girls."

Connie's eyes moved up to meet Sam's, a warm smile playing on her lips, her hand held his as she didn't let her eyes leave his. "I love you too." As the words left her lips she saw a smile take over his face, she hadn't before told him she loved him, he would treasure this moment forever. Leaning in their lips met in a passionate kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

Connie placed the leaflet she'd been reading down on her lap, running her fingers through her long luscious hair sighing heavily. Sam had been watching her from a far, seeing her starting to glaze over he moved to be sat beside her, glancing at the leaflet that read 'What to expect when undergoing chemotherapy'.

"Want to talk about it?" his words were kind and loving as he laced his fingers with hers. Connie turned as she shook her head, her eyes shimmering with tears.

"Talking makes it real. For tonight can we just pretend I'm not sick? Forget that tomorrow I start treatment?"

"If that is what you want darling, of course. I'm just going to check that Gracie is asleep, then I'll be back. You decide what you'd like for dinner, we'll order whatever you want." Slipping out from beside her he disappeared up the stairs, as she went to the kitchen gathering a menu and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

Sitting back on the sofa she started to pour two glasses, holding one up to him as he re-entered the room, lifting her own to her lips.

"Connie, do not even think about it," he said firmly as he pulled the glass away from her lips, "you are not allowed"

"I thought we agreed tonight we were pretending I wasn't ill."

"We are darling," he lifted the glass from her hand, placing it on the coffee table. "But we can't pretend you aren't on medications which prohibit the consumption of alcohol." Sighing she nodded gently.

After he'd discarded the bottle and glasses into the sink she wrapped her arms gently around him, kissing his lips before she fell back against the sofa with a cheeky grin dancing on her lips, tugging at his arm she pulled him down on top of her. Kissing him passionately she ran her hands up into his hair, letting out a groan as the heat intensified between them. "Let's go upstairs…" she muttered against his lips.

"What about dinner?"

"Suddenly I'm not hungry for food."

She giggled as he scooped her into his arms, carrying her to the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed, crawling his way up her body to meet her lips once more. His hands wound their way into her hair, tugging it lights as the heat and passion with which he kissed her grew. Her heart raced rapidly in her chest, vocal encouragement escaping her lips as his kissed trailed across her neck and shoulder. He caught her lips with his once more to silence her moans as their bodies became one.

Breathing very heavily they both sighed as they collapsed into the bed. The light that crept through the gap in the curtains catching on their shimmering flesh. As her breathing steadied she rolled towards him. "I love you very much, Mr Strachan" Connie playfully drew patterns on his chest as she curled into him more.

"I'm very much in love with you too, Connie Beauchamp." He pulled her tighter into him, kissing her gently.

They remained entwined for some time before her stomach growled loudly, he laughed sitting himself up. "Hmmm I think we should order some dinner, don't you darling?" She nodded against him with a giggle.

"Yes I quite agree, I need to eat something before chemo completely destroys my taste buds." He placed a finger delicately on her lips, hushing her.

"Not tonight, remember." She nodded, an unspoken apology written on her face.

Together they made their way from the bedroom wrapped in their dressing gowns downstairs to order dinner together. As she stood against the worktop looking over the menu, Sam looped his arms around her from behind, peppering her neck with lots of little kisses, loving the access he had when her hair was up. She moaned in approval, melting back into him. "Are you happy with a Chinese?" she said before she felt her body shudder under his touch.

"Anything baby. You choose." Prizing herself away from him for long enough to place the order she again joined him in the kitchen.

"It'll be here in half an hour." She laced her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest.

"Half an hour, eh? I'm sure I can think of something to fill the time." She squealed loudly as she was swept from her feet and carried towards the lounge. It was there he made love to her for the second time that night.

It was almost midnight before the pair drifted off into a peaceful slumber, memories of the night etching themselves on their brains. All thoughts of what was to come in the coming months were gone for now. They were both happy and content.


	11. Chapter 11

Connie had to admit, chemotherapy was turning out to be a real snooze fest. She'd arrived at the treatment centre that morning alone. She was being stoic when she had declared neither Sam nor Grace could accompany her, deciding she didn't want either of them having to witness her being pumped full of poison.

The lounge she sat in was comfortable, it was filled with large comfy reclining chairs where other patients who were receiving treatment sat. The décor wasn't distasteful either unlike the oncology ward at Holby. Although having received her surgery at Holby City Hospital, she had only managed one appointment on the oncology ward before she'd made the resolute decision that she was not going to be having further treatment there. Jac she had trusted, albeit unknowingly, with her life. However, the clown of a consultant who had thought it sensible to joke about her cancer was not extended the same courtesy. After that one appointment she had gone private.

As a young nurse approached she smiled softly explaining to Connie the exact dosages of the medications she was about to administer. Connie may not have worked here but locally her reputation preceded her. "Quite a hefty cocktail," she commented before gesturing with her free hand to the cannula, "go ahead, hook me up." As the nurse did she spoke Connie through the effects the first lot of drugs would have on her, the pre-meds designed to gently prepare her body for the stronger drugs.

"You'll probably feel quite whoozy to begin with. That is perfectly normal. I'll be back in about 20 minutes to hook you up to the next IV."

Looking around the room at all the other patients sitting with family she sighed softly and leant back in her chair, her eyes fixating on the clear liquid dripping slowly through the tubes. Her eyes followed the tubes down to the exact point it where the cocktail of chemicals entered her body and started to flow with her blood. The nurse had been right, she had started to feel light headed. Sighing she closed her eyes and let herself float on a cloud into a drug induced nap.

She'd been there for three hours now and the heady cocktail of pre-meds had worn off somewhat now and she was clock watching. She was beginning to regret the decision not to allow her loved ones to accompany her as she watched other patients with their relatives. To her left was an elderly gentleman who sat with his wife as they completed a crossword together. Allowing her eyes to close she started to imagine that being Sam and her in 20 years, the two of them growing old together as Grace went off to university and started her own family, the two of them running around after grandchildren and enjoying their life together. Suddenly tears sprung into her eyes and her breath caught in her chest as her daydreams took a sinister turn. She had faded from the images in her head. Sam and Grace were still there but she was not. Jolting her eyes open she darted her eyes around the room in panic.

The lady to her right leant over to her. "Are you okay dear? Shall I get a nurse?"

"No! I mean, yes I'm fine, I don't need a nurse" Connie said as she wiped her eyes, pausing for a moment before continuing, "Thank you for your concern." She didn't look like the steely surgeon now, she looked vulnerable and small.

"That's alright dear, we all have to look out for one another." Connie smiled with a small nod.

"I'm Connie."

"June." The woman responded.

It only felt like minutes later when the machines attached to Connie pinged signalling the end of her treatment for today. Connie had passed the time talking to June and the pair had found a lot to talk about. For Connie it had been cathartic talking to someone who understood how she was feeling about fighting cancer. Speaking to someone who she had no emotional attachment to had allowed her to be honest and frank about her insecurities and fears without worrying about upsetting them. "Well that is me done for today, it has been lovely speaking to you, June. No doubt we will meet again." She smiled as the older woman, gathered her belongings and headed off to meet Sam in reception.


	12. Chapter 12

**I got carried away when writing this and it became a very long part! Thank you as always for reading and reviewing.**

* * *

Nothing could have prepared Connie for the sight of her own hair on her pillow as she woke one morning. It was the side effect of chemotherapy she had been most dreading. As a sob escaped her lips Sam startled from his sleep. "Con? What's…" his voice was laced with concern as he turned towards her, stopping when he saw her pillow. Sitting himself up he gently pulled her towards him, his arms wrapping around her back as he held her close. "It'll be okay, we knew this was going to happen.

"I can't do this," she whispered quietly through her tears, curling into his shoulder.

"Yes, you can, Con." He stopped as she shook her head and moved back to look him in the eyes.

"I can't watch it all fall out." she continued, quieter than she was before. "I think I want to cut it all. Then, I won't have to watch it fall out." He nodded. He understood entirely why she wanted to do it, why she felt the need to take control back. He remembered as if it were yesterday the day he stood in front of the mirror and hacked his own hair off before chemotherapy claimed it.

He watched as she reached for her hair, playing with it so carefully in fear of more coming away in her hands. "I can make you an appointment, the hospital recommended somewhere which specialises in this kind of cut." Connie's eyes met his, her head shaking.

"I want to do it."

"If that's what you want to do, that is what we will do." Words wouldn't formulate in her mouth as she struggled to deal with the turmoil of emotions she was feeling. She simply nodded and curled back into his chest.

-x-

Later that morning once Grace was dropped at school Sam and Connie made their way together into the city centre. Their mission was to buy a pair of clippers and to collect Connie's wig that they had previously ordered.

"Are you going to tell me yet what style you went for when you ordered this?"

"Bright blue mohawk." she laughed, trying to lighten the dark mood that hung between them.

"Didn't have you down as a punk rocker, dear." He caught her lips against his, grinning as they slowed outside the shop. "I look forward to seeing it." She swallowed hard as they stepped foot inside.

"Ah Mrs Beauchamp, it is lovely to see you again." The greeting she received made Connie smile, she'd only been in here twice before and yet the shop assistant knew her by name making her feel much more at ease than she was before. "I have what you ordered in the back, bear with me two minutes."

"Thank you." Connie spoke as she caught sight of Sam looking around the shop. "See anything you like?"

"They are amazing," he said as he picked up a long blonde wig. "I've always wondered what you'd look like blonde." He smirked, raising his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"You can keep wondering. I don't want it to be obvious that I've got a wig on. For that to happen I need to keep to my natural colour."

"Okay, okay… a man can dream though, can't he?" Sam knew he was pushing his luck, so set down what was in his hands and made his way towards her. His hand resting on her hip bone as he pulled her into him. It was then the shop assistant reappeared with a stunning brunette wig, which held a gentle curl, very much like Connie's own hair.

"Here you are Mrs Beauchamp. The cap is lace as we discussed to make it easier to wear for long periods. Would you like to try it now?" Connie shook her head.

"No… no thank you. It looks perfect though."

Connie left the shop with Sam as soon as the wig had been packaged, not wanting to be there longer than necessary. The rest of the errands in town look little time and before long they were heading back to the house.

-x-

Connie busied herself with making a cup of tea whilst Sam has disappeared upstairs. He'd returned a while later and snaked his arms around her middle from behind as she stood staring out the patio doors. "Everything is ready when you are, okay?" she nodded as she leant back into him.

"A few more minutes." She said as she twirled her hair around her finger.

"There is no rush, darling."

They remained in one another's arms until Connie was ready to go upstairs. "Will you come up with me?" she asked.

"If you want me to, of course." Sam had gotten everything ready in the bathroom for her, a stool was place in front of the mirror, the scissors and clippers within easy reach. He felt her hand tighten around his as he led her into the room.

Once she was ready she swallowed hard as she pulled taut a section of her hair, using the scissors to cut through the strands. Sobs caught in her throat as her hair hung limp in her hand, the scissors clattering to the floor as her legs gave way beneath her. Sam caught her in his arms, pulling her to his chest, he soothed her as he held her tightly. "Can you?" she asked as she looked at the scissors then back to him. He nodded, guiding her to be sitting on the stool, he kissed her lips and looked deep into her eyes.

Sam's hands felt for the strands she'd just cut. Gauging the length he was aiming for to begin with. As carefully as he could he began to cut away Connie's long curls, letting them drop to the floor. He continually spoke to her as he did it, his voice helping to soothe her discomfort. He finished cutting her hair into a short bob relatively quickly, carefully sweeping the loose strands off her shoulders giving him access to her bare neck. Leaning forward he peppered the exposed skin with tiny kisses, wanting more than anything to make her feel wanted. His actions had to desired affect, causing low moans to escape from the woman he loved.

His chin finally came to rest on her shoulder as he looked into her eyes via the mirror. After a few moments he gave her a kiss on the cheek he stood once more behind her, reaching out for the clippers. As he clicked them on the low hum caused Connie's body to tense, quickly he turned the clippers off once more. "I don't have to do this bit yet. Do you want to leave it like this for now?" he said slowly, he watched as she shook her head, casting her eyes down to the hair that had fallen into her lap, her fingers twirling it carefully.

"Please just do it." she said, her voice hoarse with emotion. Sam nodded, struggling to keep his own emotions in check as he watched her break before him.

"I'll be as gentle and as quick as I can." Clicking the clippers on once more he carefully began to run them through her hair, watching as the final length of her hair fell and she was left with only stubble.

As he finally finished Sam leant down and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, his hands sweeping away once more the remnants of her long locks from her shoulders. "Still as beautiful as ever." She blushed slightly as she shook her head.

"You don't have to say that." An uncertain smile lingered on her lips as she looked down into her lap, her fingers still lacing through the hair that sat there.

"I'm saying it because it is true. You look beautiful." Rounding to be in front of her he lifted her chin, leaning forward to kiss her. Gently he then turned her body to face the mirror "See." as she came face to face with her reflection she felt numb. She didn't recognise the woman staring back at her. For the first time she looked sick. Until now she had been away to hide her illness behind layers of makeup and her wavy brown locks, but now, there was no hiding it. She turned away again, trying desperately not to make it obvious she couldn't bare to look at herself.

"We'll need to explain to Gracie." Sam said quietly to her. Connie's head shook furiously.

"I don't want her to see me like this Sam. She'll know immediately how ill I am. We need to protect her. We agreed we would protect her." She implored of him, hot tears now leaving salty tracks down her cheeks, which she tried in vain to brush away.

"Darling, it isn't going to be easy to hide this from her." He said with a sympathetic smile.

"I have the wig, it looks like my hair, just shorter. And I'll wear scarves to cover my head if needed. But she can never see me like this." She stared desperately into Sam's eyes, pain so obvious in her own. "You need to promise me you won't let her." Apprehensive, but wanting to respect her wishes he nodded, she may have been struggling with the effects of chemotherapy, but she was still the same old Connie and there was no use arguing with her.

Sam suggested to Connie that she left him to clear the bathroom, she agreed without question, finding the sight of her hair all over the floor rather traumatic. She disappeared into the bedroom to clean herself up, knowing before too much longer her daughter would come bounding through the doors. When he finished tidying up Sam made his way to their bedroom, the woman he saw sat at the dressing table made his heart swell. She looked just as she did when they worked on Darwin together, the curls of the wig sitting just above her shoulders. "Now this takes me back." He said as he moved towards her, his fingers delicately massaging her shoulders. "I always did think this style suited you." He leant round and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to go and pick up Gracie now, will you be okay here?"

"Of course, I will. See you in a while." She turned and kissed his lips gently before reapplying her lipstick.

-x-

Grace was a lot of things but daft wasn't one of them. As soon as she had got in from school she'd noticed the difference in Connie's appearance, she'd smiled along when her mother had stated she felt like a change so had her hair cut, however her mother was not giving her daughter's intelligence it's full credit. She knew it was more than a simple haircut, but she also knew better than to mention this to her mother directly.

For some time now, Grace had been suspicious of what was wrong with her mother, she'd had to keep going into the hospital for long appointments, and when she returned she was weak, exhausted and continually nauseous. Grace had used her phone to look up the symptoms and drawn her own conclusions, although she was yet to confront her parents with her findings. She waited until she was alone in the kitchen with her father that evening to see if he would confirm her beliefs.

"Daddy, mummy's wearing a wig, isn't she?" Sam turned to face his daughter, giving her a smile. Both he and Connie had agreed to never directly lie to Grace if she asked a question.

"You're a smart girl Grace, yes she is. But don't let on you have noticed, eh? Mummy is a bit wobbly about it."

"Has her hair come out? Is that why she is wearing one?"

"Yes, it's a side effect of the medicine mummy has been taking. It'll come back though, in time."

The young girl nodded, swallowing hard as her next question caught in her throat, tears pricked in the corners of her eyes as she finally got it out. "Why didn't you tell me mummy has cancer?" Sam froze, he thought they'd protected Grace from the terrible truth of Connie's diagnosis. But he should have known their daughter would figure it out eventually, after all she was wise well beyond her years. Grace took his lack of response as confirmation, "Is she going to die?" As if from nowhere Connie appeared in the kitchen, having been in earshot the whole time.

"No Gracie, I'm not going to die." She went to her daughter and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I'm not going anywhere. But, you're right, I do have cancer. The doctors are treating me though, and I'm going to get better." Grace nodded against her mother's chest as she held her close.

"I love you mummy."

"I love you too baby girl."


	13. Chapter 13

It was the middle of the night and Connie had been awake for nearly three hours now. Sam slept soundly beside her, his steady breathing providing her with some comfort through her insomnia. She hadn't been sleeping well recently, despite how exhausted she felt all the time. Shifting uncomfortably, she pulled the covered tighter around her prompting Sam to wake slightly. "You okay?" He whispered enveloping her in his arms. She murmured wanting to indicate to him that she was but having no energy to reply in spoken words. As she felt his arms tighten around her middle she bit her lip trying to suppress the discomfort it was causing her. Her whole body hurt, her skin itched painfully and despite how much she wanted to be held it seemed to make things worse. As she felt the familiar feeling of bile rising within her she wriggled free of his arms and made her way to the bathroom.

It was some hours later when she awoke to find herself slumped on the cold porcelain floor, the tiles cooling her clammy skin as her eyes began to open. Pain seared through her body as she hauled herself into a sitting position, finding herself once bringing up the contents of her stomach.

"Con, are you in there?" Gently he pushed the door open as he heard the retching, dropping to his knees by her side rubbing her back gently. As the wave passed he carefully lifted her so she was cradled in his arms. "I've got you, it's okay." He whispered, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head as she began to cry. He hated seeing her like this, he felt powerless to help, but he knew she needed him now more than ever.

"Sorry." She whispered against him, she didn't enjoy showing any signs of weakness, but the grueling effects of chemotherapy currently gave her little choice in the matter.

He heard the soft padding of feet along the hall as he lifted Connie to their bed. "Grace." was all she could manage to get out as she too heard the familiar noise. He smiled in understanding, she continued to not allow Grace to see her bald and at her weakest. She desperately wanted to protect her daughter from the true horrors of her treatment and Sam respected that, even if he didn't always agree with her. He lifted her head slightly from the pillow sliding one of her many beautiful scarfs on before their daughter entered the room. She smiled in thanks as she settled back against the pillows and curled into the warmth of the covers once more.

"Morning" the youngest Beauchamp said as she put her head around the bedroom door, waiting for permission to enter the room fully.

"Morning Gracie, why don't you come and get into bed beside your mum whilst I pop out for a few minutes." She didn't need asking twice as she bounded towards the bed and leapt up beside her mum. She placed a gentle kiss on her mother's pale cheek before snuggling in beside her. Sam looked on at his two beloved girls together before he descended the stairs, he didn't like the thought of leaving them both, but the need to pick up Connie's latest prescription was too great.

Snuggling together Connie held her daughter close, stroking her hair. "Are we still going out today? Shopping for new clothes for us like you promised last week?" said Grace. The expectancy in her daughter's eyes broke Connie's heart as she looked at her. She remembered promising Grace that they would have a day out shopping prior to her last hospital visit. After the first two rounds of chemotherapy she hadn't felt too ill so thought it would have been fine, but she'd underestimated the impact the build up of drugs in her system would have.

She mustered some energy and reached for her daughter's hand. "Daddy can take you. I'm going to have to stay here today. I'm..." suddenly she felt bile rise within her once more, clasping her hand across her mouth she heaved herself upwards. Immediately Grace grabbed a bowl from beside the bed and held it for her mother, gently stroking her back as she was sick. "It's okay mummy," she soothed, she held her mother tighter as she began to weep, "Don't cry, I'm here to help look after you."

As wave after wave of sickness over took her body Connie couldn't help but cry, she hated that Grace was seeing this, but she was thankful all the same that she was not alone. It took ten minutes for the sickness to pass, by the time it did Connie was exhausted once more. She slumped back on the pillows, only managing a very weak smile towards her daughter as she did. "You sleep now Mummy, I'll still be here when you wake up." Grace's words were soft as she held her mother's hand.

Only once she was certain Connie was sleeping did Grace slip from the room, padding softly down the stairs. She brushed away the tears that fell fiercely from her eyes. She had never been so scared in her life as she was watching her mother. The true extent of her illness finally obvious to Grace. At that moment Sam walked through the door, seeing his daughter concern etched itself on his face. "Hey, what's up?"

"Mummy's just been really sick. Daddy, it was so scary. I stayed with her, but I was so scared. She's sleeping now." Making his way to his daughter her held her tightly in his arms.

"Well done for staying with her. Are you okay?" She shook her head as she crumbled into him as she wept.

"She's so poorly, Daddy." Sam sighed, wrapping his arms even tighter around her.

"It's hard to understand Gracie, but the medicine making her this sick will make her better in the long run." The young girl nodded.

"I read about it… but it doesn't make it easier."

"That I agree with. Seeing her this poorly is horrid, but she wouldn't want to see you this upset. You go into the sitting room and watch a film, I'll go and see that she is okay?"

Making his way up the stairs and into their bedroom Sam found Connie wide awake. She smiled weakly at him, hauling herself into more of an upright position. "I have something to say Sam, and you have to listen to me and do as I say." She watched as Sam sat beside her and nodded. "Today you are to leave me here, and take Grace into town. I want you to spoil her rotten, to buy her anything she wants and make her forget what she witnessed this morning. She needs to be a child again, to enjoy herself and not worry about what is happening to me."

"Con, you need someone here with you." He said, trying to mask the sigh that slipped from his lips.

"I'm taken care of, I've just spoken to Charlie and Duffy, they are going to come over. Grace needs this Sam." Sam couldn't disagree with her. Their daughter really did need a day where she was the number one priority. He nodded gently.

"Okay. But you phone me if you need me, okay?"

"I won't need you, but I promise to ring if I do."


	14. Chapter 14

_**It has been a while since I have written any of this. I had a bit of a block. I'm not entirely happy with this part and it is quite short. But any who, here it is.**_

* * *

Connie sat in her sitting room, alongside her friends, trying her best to not give away quite how ill she was feeling. "We've been nurses for a long time Connie. I can identify an act when I see one. Why don't you go back up to bed?" Charlie spoke knowingly to her.

"It's fine, I can't spend all day in my bed again. Thank you both for coming. I really wanted Sam to take Grace out. She needed a day of being spoilt."

Duffy appeared from the kitchen with three cups of tea. Handing one to Connie she smiled softly. "Are you sure you just want it black? I can't drink it black."

"Yes, thank you. The milk makes me feel more nauseous than I already do and quite honestly, I can't taste a thing. You could have handed me a cup of bleach and I wouldn't be able to tell you." She saw the sympathetic look cross Duffy's face and shook her head, "No sympathetic looks, you wouldn't look at me like that if I didn't have cancer so don't think you can get away with it because I do."

"You don't change, Beauchamp." Charlie said with a laugh. "Not that we'd want you to."

"Glad to hear it…"

"So," Charlie said tentatively, "How's the chemo going?"

"This round has knocked me for six." She said honestly, "The first two didn't affect me as badly as this one. June warned me it builds up and gets worse each time, but I didn't believe her. She was right though…" Feeling the all too familiar rise of bile in her throat she clasped her hand to her mouth trying to suppress it. Recognising the signs Charlie handed her a bowl and some tissues, seeing thanks in her eyes as he did.

"Easy does it." He moved to soothe her back, helping her through. "Have you been taking your ondansetron?" Connie shook her head.

"I haven't needed it, Sam picked it up this morning for me. But I don't want to take any more drugs."

"Stubborn as ever. I know you say no more drugs, but it will make you feel less nauseous and surely that is better than this." He motioned to the sick bowl and saw her sigh in defeat.

"I'll fetch them." Chipped in Duffy before slipping away to the kitchen where she had spotted the tablets whilst making tea. She returned quickly with one in her hand and a glass of water. "Here get this down you. It really will help."

The pills quickly took effect once Connie had taken them and she spent the remainder of the afternoon chatting to both her companions about what was happening in her department. Although they had been reluctant to talk shop Connie was insistent she needed to know what she would be facing when she eventually returned to work, and if they weren't willing to share the information with her she would find another way to gain access to it.

-x-

Meanwhile, jumping from the car Grace beamed from ear to ear, she was just like her mother in this respect and the mere mention of a shopping trip had her thrilled. Sam on the other hand was more apprehensive about the whole experience having always avoided trips around the shops where ever possible. It wasn't long before Sam had his hands full of shopping bags, Grace having found something in every shop so far that her life would no longer be complete without.

"Daddy, can we go and buy a present for mummy? To cheer her up? Please!" Grace said after a couple of hours of dragging her father from shop to shop.

"Now that sounds like a lovely idea. What do you think she will like?"

"Some nice things for the bath so she can relax, and a new jumper… a big one so she can curl up in it to keep her warm." She said with a beaming smile as she headed for a department store.

"I think she would like those things very much."

Together they made the purchases for Connie before heading down a side street towards a café to get themselves a drink. Grace's attention was distracted as they passed a jewellery store, and she found herself gazing as the sparkling diamonds in the window. Sam laughed softly.  
"Just like your mother. She likes shiny things too." Grace looked up at him with a broad smile.

"I can't help it, they are so pretty."

"Hmmm." Sam murmured as a diamond ring caught his eye. "Grace… I need to ask you something…"


	15. Chapter 15

It had been six weeks since Connie's final round of chemotherapy, and she was finally starting to feel a little more like her old self. Her energy levels had slowly started to increase, and the return of her sense of smell and taste had made her feel much better. She was making the most of her new-found energy and had busied herself with organising a perfect summer holiday for her family. Sam has vetoed any trip abroad, so she had settled for planning a two week escape to the Cornish coast. Connie had found the planning a welcome distraction from the impending progress scan she was due to have that afternoon. The scan that would discover if the surgery and chemotherapy had put her into remission.

-x-

Three hours later Connie found herself laying back on an uncomfortable bed draped in an unflattering hospital gown, trying desperately to ignore the way she was feeling thanks to the contrast they had pumped into her veins.

"Connie, take some deep breaths for me." Spoke the kind words of the nurse over the speaker. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." She lied, her response abrupt, wanting this to just all be over.

"We can stop if you need us to."

"No. Please… keep going… I just want this done." Connie closed her eyes again, thinking of happier things, she imagined her and Grace on the beach in the summer, running along the beach, the sun setting across the water of the Cornish coast.

-x-

The smell of pancakes filled the house the following morning, Connie having got up early to make breakfast before Grace went to school and before Sam headed to bed after his night shift. The click of the front door told her that Sam had returned, and she smiled. She didn't enjoy it when he was working overnight, the bed felt cold and empty without him beside her. Feeling his arms snake around her middle she settled back into him, mumbling a good morning as she turned her head and caught his lips.

"Good morning to you too gorgeous girl. How did you sleep?"

"Not as well as I do when I have you beside me." Removing the rest of the pancakes from the griddle she turned off the gas and spun in his arms. "I thought I would take Grace to school this morning, let you get straight to bed after breakfast."

"Are you sure?" He said carefully tucking a strand of her wig hair behind her ear, allowing him to nibble her ear lobe. His action causing a soft moan to leave her mouth.

"Mmm… yes I'm sure. You look exhausted." Slipping herself from his arms she went to the bottom of the stairs and called Grace for breakfast. Bringing everything to the table Connie smiled at her handy work, she loved that she was now able to do this kind of thing for her family.

The three of them settled down at the table, discussing Connie's plans so far for their holiday. "I'm going to need a new wetsuit and surfboard. Mine are going to be too small." Grace chirped up with a grin. "I really want one with blue flowers on." Connie rolled her eyes in a dramatic fashion.

"You're just jealous of mine." Sam nearly spat out his coffee.

"You own a surfboard?!" he said in shock as he looked at her. She turned her attention to him with a grin.

"Of course." She said with a smirk. "You didn't think I'd rent one, did you?"

"Well no my darling, but I didn't have you down as a surfer."

"Oh you still have so much to learn Samuel." She laughed. In truth she had not used her surfboard since the day she had purchased it on a whim and taken Grace to the beach about 5 years previous but Sam did not need to know that.

"I'm going to need one too then it seems, but I don't want flowers on mine." He poked his tongue out at his daughter, them all laughing together.

The ringing of the telephone cut across the laughter, and Connie rose to her feet to answer it. Sam continued eating with Grace, although half listening to Connie's conversation. "Good morning… yes, this is Connie Beauchamp… right… already? But I was only there yesterday." Connie's face paled slightly, and the words spoken had gained Sam's full attention. "Thank you. I will see you then. Goodbye." Putting the phone down, Connie took a deep breath, plastering a smile once more onto her face before she went back to the table. Sam gave her a questioning look as she sat, but she ignored him focusing on Grace.

After a while Grace ran upstairs to get her things for school and Sam took his chance. "Con, who was that on the phone." He placed his hand on her upper arm and turned her to face him.

"The hospital. My consultant wants to see me at 2pm today to discuss the results of my scan." She caught his gaze, allowing him to see that her eyes were glistening with tears.

"Don't cry. It might be good news." She shook her head.

"We're both doctors Sam, you don't call someone back to discuss results in less than 24 hours unless it's bad news." Sam pulled her into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her. Carefully she reached her hand up to wipe away her stray tears as she heard footsteps descend the stairs. Pulling herself away from Sam she looked up at him, her game face back on. "Right, I'm going to take Grace to school and you are going to go to bed."

"I can take her Con."

"No, I have already promised her I would and I'm not going to keep missing out on doing these things because I have cancer." Sam leant forward and caught her lips on his.

"Love you."

"I love you too." She said before she disappeared out of the kitchen, the jingling of keys and slamming of the door telling him she had left the house.

-x-

That afternoon Connie shifted uncomfortably in her chair, fluttering her eye lids shut she squeezed tighter to Sam's hand, trying to shut out the continuing nervous butterflies that danced furiously in her stomach. Sam returned the gesture, leaning across to her and gently lifting her chin with his spare hand allowing him to capture her lips on his. A bid to try and relax her. Her eyes sprung open as the smile that spread across her face reached them, a low hum leaving her lips signifying her enjoyment of their kiss.

"No matter what they say in there my darling, we will face it, together… okay?" Connie couldn't find words to respond, she merely curled into his chest, nodding her head slightly as her mind whirred once more. Sam looked down at the woman he loved in his arms and stroked her back soothingly, his own mind whirring with what they were possibly about to hear.

A young nurse approached the pair, her voice soft and gentle as she spoke. "Ms Beauchamp, please come this way, the doctor is ready for you." Both Sam and Connie stood together, walking hand in hand into the consulting room to discover her fate.


	16. Chapter 16

_**It has been a while and for that I can only apologise. I hope you all enjoy the last instalment.**_

* * *

-x-

Sam had been her strength and stay throughout her journey so far and Connie was so very grateful for his continuing support throughout her darkest days. Deep down she knew had he not returned when she did it was exceptionally likely that she would no longer be alive. He'd given her the chance to live by consenting to the operation in the aftermath of her accident. She never knew how she would truly repay him for all he'd done for her, but she knew in whatever time they had left together she would spend every day trying.

After the hospital appointment Sam had whisked her away to the capital for a night to relaxation and pampering. His thoughtful gesture being perfectly timed to allow them time to process the news they'd received. Now Connie found herself standing on a terrace taking in the view of the River Thames and the Houses of Parliament. The view was breath-taking, and as a born and bred Londoner this skyline always made her feel like she was home. Allowing her thoughts to wander she remembered the first time she'd visited Big Ben as a little girl with her mother and father. For a while she allowed herself to bask in the happy memories before pulling herself into the present.

Feeling familiar arms snake around her middle Connie exhaled deeply, allowing herself to melt backwards into the embrace. Sam's lips lightly peppering her neck with kisses which trailed up to her ear, him mumbling I love you into hear ear as well only served to make her shudder with pleasure.

"Mmm I love you too. Thank you for bringing me here." She said quietly. "It feels like coming home." Sam smiled, he was glad the gesture was met with positivity.

"You looked like you were lost in your own head… what were you thinking about?" Neither of them had spoken much since the appointment, neither daring to tip the happy balance they found themselves in.

"My parents… I was remembering all the adventures we used to have into the city… Peckham may not be far away, but we never came to Westminster often." Looking down at the river banks she smiled fondly. "I spent more time in this part of London when I was training though. Guy's was in easy reach and going out in the West End was something we did quite often…" Holding her closer to him he chuckled a little.

"I always thought you were a swot at university."

"Oh I was…" she laughed in response. "When I say quite often… I probably mean every few months."

Sam remained holding her for a while, watching people move like ants below before he spoke again. "Con… are we going to talk about today?" he asked gently, still keeping a hold of her. Intuitively Sam could feel the change in her as her whole body tensed. Swiftly manoeuvring them so they were facing he allowed her to bury her face in his chest. Her voice caught in her throat when she tried to speak, the emotions of the day catching up with her as tears started to tumble down her rosy cheeks. His hands swept up and down her back in soothing motions, whilst he whispered soft reassurances into her ear, regretting breaking the spell they were under.

After a few minutes she managed to gather herself enough to look up into his eyes, her own still sparkling with the remnants of tears. "Sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't be crying. I just didn't think I'd ever hear those words, Sam." she closed her eyes as more tears threatened to fall.

"You're allowed to cry, baby." He said as his hand rose to her cheek, leaning in he kissed away the few stray tears that were staining her cheeks before capturing her lips against his.

"When they said it, I thought I'd heard them wrong… I thought I was going to die… I never expected them to say that." Sam shook his head.

"I didn't either… but remission is quite a magical word, isn't it?" he purred into her ear. Connie's whole body relaxed into his body as she nodded against him.

"One of the most magical I've ever heard." Allowing the tension in her body to fade away she sighed. "I think it is going to take a while to sink in… this is my second chance… I don't want to waste it." She looked deep into his eyes, staring intently into his soul. Sam returned her gaze just as strongly. His fingers still caressing her cheek.

"You won't. I know you. You won't waste a minute." A flicker of passion sparked in her eyes, moving forward at speed she caught him in a passionate embrace. Then there above the busy city the two of them continued to hold each other close, breathing in each other's scent as they both allowed themselves to finally think about the rest of their lives together. Their life together beyond cancer.


End file.
